**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
