it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
