I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
