I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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