How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
