I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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