Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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