I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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