u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
