hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
