i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
