don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
drinking out of a sandbucket again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
