I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
