I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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