So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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