go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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