cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
