Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
