Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
