All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
