Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Randomize
