I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
