Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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