The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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