i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
