All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
