wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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