my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
