You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
