go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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