I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
