Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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