the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
