I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
