I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
