He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
