i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
