I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
