My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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