Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
