Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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