It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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