I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
