It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
