You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
