AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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