The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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