I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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