He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
