She announced her abortion via fbk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
