i permit you to call me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
