i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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