Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
