Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
