so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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